A letter to my 14 year old self

Hey There Soldier!

You’re at the age now where you’re growing up and you’re experiencing some real battles in your life. You don’t know what you want to do with your life and I hate to say it but you won’t at the age of 20 either … I can’t say I know about the future, but you’ll soon work it out, I know you will, I have faith in you!

I know you’re still struggling with the grief of losing your dad, but let me tell you, It will get better. Don’t be scared that you’ll forget him! You were young when it happened and you may not have as many memories & years spent with him, but you are able to fight on and continue to make him proud.

He will continue to look over you. Trust Me.

You have the most supporting, loving and caring family. Do not shut them out. They love you!!!

I know you will have some real lows … but you will have some real highs as well, you will meet some incredible people along the way and have the most amazing adventures. Especially with the scouts. You will become so much more confident and you will make some of the most amazing friends.

You may not think it now but those thoughts your having are not as sinister as you think, when you realise its okay to talk about how you’re feeling you can get a diagnosis and some help. Talk to your family they can help you along the way!!!

Depression, self harm and anxiety are what you will be diagnosed with, I know it sounds scary but they are all controllable. It may take some time to come to grips with it but you are not your diagnosis, that does not change you.

Don’t take any notice about what people say about you. This is an important one. Sadly I have to revert back to that saying that everyone knows ‘sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me’ please try your best to believe that.

Just remember that some people come into your life and they may not be in it for the long run, but treasure their company whilst you can and once it starts getting bad, leave, don’t let anyone blame your mental health, because you will hold onto that and it will ruin other relationships. They weren’t strong enough to stick by you, so they’re not real friends and you really don’t need them in your life. Although let me tell you, don’t hold a grudge as it will make you bitter in the long run.

School gets a little harder for you in the last couple of years. Your anxiety gets a little harder to deal with especially when it comes to your exams. You can do it and you will! Your results weren’t too bad either… Although you can do better, spend a little more time revising but don’t forget to have fun, thats the most important thing, balance everything out as well as you can. You will also have one of the best mentors in high school and she will make your time in high school so much easier.

The most amazing boy somehow makes his way in to your life. You will believe that you are the luckiest girl in the world, even now I think that. He will show you what you deserve and you will create the most amazing memories with him. Although his smile, will become your weakness.

One last thing, please don’t start harming yourself. If there is one thing that you take from this, take that nugget of advise. Sometimes when you feel so numb from being depressed, you just want to feel, I know that but there are other ways of coping. Talk to someone! Because an addiction is an addiction, and you’re going to deal with it for the rest of your life and you’re going to have days where your going to struggle but you will get through.

Be you!! Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Yeah, you’re a little weird and you’ll have a slight obsession with sharks, but thats okay. JUST BE YOU! Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle.

You’re a fighter and there is nothing that can or will change that.

Stay Weird … Thats what makes you so unique X

Love your older, (could say more wiser) self.

Stay Strong ♥

……..

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