Hello My Lovelies,
First off, I want to apologise for my lack of #MHM posts but I’ve been struggling to get the motivation to write about my mental health at the moment but something happened the other day which I’m both disappointed with but also proud of, so I thought I’d share it with you
So me and ‘The Blog Squad’ planned on going to Olympia Beauty in London, we had it planned for ages and our tickets arrived roughly like a week before the event. I was so excited about going because it would be one of my first blogger events in London that I’d have made it to, because the first ever one we planned, I couldn’t go to because I was too hungover. I know, I know – Self Inflicted.
But this time round I was so excited, everything was planned and I was pretty adamant on going. I’d even tried on about 4 or 5 different outfits.
I set my alarm for 7am so I had plenty of time to get ready, although it was pretty difficult getting out of bed because it was so cold and being cuddled up with Jay was keeping me warm, but I finally got up and started getting ready.
A full face of make up … and I was having a pretty good hair day, don’t mind if I do say so myself.
I think it was about 8.50am, I was all ready to go but then … I went into overdrive.
My anxiety, was at an all time high and I was very close to having a panic attack.
I had a little lie down with Jay in hopes that it would calm me down, but before I knew it the tears were ruining that whole hours worth of makeup.
Jay was being so supportive, but also trying to persuade me to go, which I very much appreciate, because I know he only wants whats best for me.
Although, this time it didn’t seem to work. My head was just going crazy with everything that could go wrong and why London isn’t my favourite place. Theres to many people & its an unfamiliar place …
I just couldn’t bring myself to go, I’m disappointed because I feel like I let the girls down, but I know they all understand.
Its a lot for me and I will continue pushing myself until I make it, and I WILL!!
Why am I proud of myself?
I’m proud of myself because I got up early & I got ready to go to an event in a place I’m not familiar with, which I knew would be overcrowded and pretty overwhelming for me.
I had every intention of going, so thats why I’m proud.
It would have been so easy for me to just say I weren’t going when it was first mentioned but Im glad I didn’t, because it was a step in the right direction.
To most people this may seem so silly and I completely understand that, but to me its a huge step and I’m proud of it.
Stay Weird … X
Coconut Lane – driscoll20
Boutique of Molly – jamielee20